Refund Policy

1. General Principle

You gave me money on purpose and got exactly what was advertised, which was nothing.

2. Requests

Refund requests will nonetheless be honored, because I would rather return five dollars than have you tell people I am the kind of person who would not return five dollars.

3. Procedure

Use the contact form. Say what happened. There is no form to fill out beyond that one, no ticket number, no queue, and no phase in which I ask you to confirm you have tried turning it off and on again.

4. Valid Reasons

  • You hit the wrong number.
  • A child got your phone.
  • You changed your mind.
  • Your circumstances changed and you need it back more than I do.

5. Invalid Reasons

None have been submitted yet. This section is aspirational.

6. Processing Time

However long PayPal takes. That part is not up to either of us and complaining about it together is one of the few genuinely bonding experiences left in modern commerce.

7. Restocking Fee

No.